1 Samuel 1: 1-8 (NASB)
¹   Now there was a certain man from Ramathaim-zophim from the hill country of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite.
²   He had two wives: the name of one was Hannah and the name of the other Peninnah; and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.
³   Now this man would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests to the LORD there.
⁴   When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and her daughters;
⁵   but to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the LORD had closed her womb.
⁶   Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb.
⁷   It happened year after year, as often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she would provoke her; so she wept and would not eat.
⁸   Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?"

The lesson this morning is one pertaining to our marital relationships. First let me be clear to state that I do not know exactly how a woman thinks. I recognize as a husband that men and women do indeed have different thought processes, and those differences if improperly handled can bring about marital strife. By way of an illustration let us consider this morning the situation facing Hannah and Elkanah.

Elkanah has two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. (Before going any further, let us make clear that God's intention was always for one wife per husband. If nothing else, this passage shows the wisdom of the monogamous relationship). Hannah is barren, Peninnah has children. Elkanah loves Hannah more than Peninnah, and in distribution of portions of the sacrificial food would give a portion to Peninnah and her children. Also he would give a "double portion" (NASB) to Hannah. Peninnah also made habit of taunting Hannah concerning her inability to have children. The natural result is Hannah is depressed. This happened year after year. Finally Elkanah asks "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1st Sam 1: 8 NASB)

The question before us, Is Elkanah indeed better to Hannah than ten sons? Be assured, in Elkanah's view the answer is truly yes. He's doing everything in his power to make Hannah happy. His efforts are not successful, and that failure brings about for Elkanah a certain degree of frustration. In his eyes he's "bending over backward" to make Hannah happy, and she doesn't seem to appreciate it.

Now from Hannah's point if view, the answer is most assuredly NO! Hannah wants a son more than anything else in the world. Anything else Elkanah gives her that is not a son, is not sufficient. This does not mean that she is holding Elkanah responsible for her situation. It simply means that she has a problem that Elkanah cannot fix. This must be a source of frustration for Elkanah as it would be for any man. For men are fixers. Men like to fix things, whether it's a broken down car, or in this case, a broken heart. Men get very frustrated when they come against a problem that they cannot fix. Brethren, there are some problems that only God can fix!! We take a giant step in our Christian growth when come to realize that simple fact. Only God can solve some problems, and the sooner we turn them over to God, the sooner He will solve them for us.

Let's for a moment examine Elkanah's approach to the problem at hand. He cannot give Hannah a son, so he makes effort to give her what he believes that she would receive from a son. One of the major purposes for having children, particularly sons, in those days was security in your old age. I believe that this is one purpose of the double portion. It is an assurance to Hannah that Elkanah will provide for her abundantly. Unfortunately, this son is more to Hannah than simply a means of financial security. She has pride at stake. Also she is enduring a constant barrage of insults from Peninnah. In truth, Peninnah is the source of much of her grief. As a matter of fact, by giving a double portion to Hannah, Elkanah provokes Peninnah's jealousy, causing Peninnah to taunt Hannah, making matters worse. Elkanah's problem is that he is trying to cure the symptom, while doing nothing to solve the problem. In so doing, he exacerbates the problem. In spite of his good intentions he has become part of the problem, rather than part of the solutions.

Husbands, I believe that at times each of us becomes guilty of becoming part of the problem in those very moments that we are seeking to become the solution. Often we try so hard to make our wives happy by providing things. We forget that what they really need is a husband. We can't understand at those times why our wives become so unhappy. Don't they see the long hours, and the long commutes that we're putting ourselves through to give them a good life? Why don't they seem to appreciate all that we do for them? The fact is, we're not there to be appreciated. We think that a new car, or new clothes, or a new house is what will make our wives happy, when in fact what they need is their old husband. We think that new toys and TV's and video games will help our children to grow up properly, when what they need is a father.

Not only the men are guilty in this. In this day and age where often we have two income families. And that coupled with long commutes. The time that we spend together is shrinking. Our relationships and our families suffer. Often our children are raised by strangers, because neither parent can be home. If the danger of all of this is not recognized and focused upon, and greater effort put forth into our family relationships, we risk damaging those relationships beyond all repair. Or at the very least they become a problem that only God can fix. In truth it is better to let God be constantly involved in those relationships, rather than to wait and call on him to fix them.

The reason that all of this becomes so important is the effect that our family relationships have on the church. Please read with me Ephesians 4: 15 & 16.

"But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love." (NASB)

The point here is that each member is a vital part of the body of Christ. If one part of the body is injured, the body suffers as a result. Often that spiritual injury occurs in the unhealthy (or unspiritual ) family relationship. Our family problems don't simply effect the people of our households, but we also have a large extended family of God that is also effected. The passage also instructs us that as Christians were have a duty to "grow up in all aspects" of our Christian lives. The best place for that growth to be nurtured is the family. It is that very growth that causes us to properly function as a part of the body. The sum of this passage, is that the proper function of the individual members of the body, coupled with their relationship to the head, that is Christ, "causes the growth of the body". In other words, you cannot have a strong church without strong families.

With that in mind, let us look at what the Bible has to say about what it takes to have a successful marriage. Read with me:

Ephesians 5 (NASB)
²²   Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
²³   For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
²⁴   But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
²⁵   Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
²⁶   so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
²⁷   that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
²⁸   So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
²⁹   for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
³⁰   because we are members of His body.
³¹   FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
³²   This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
³³   Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

The key to a successful marriage begins with our relationship to Christ. If we don't get that right, the rest of this Scripture will not necessarily work for us. The Christian husband must love first Christ, and second his wife. The Christian wife must love first Christ and second her husband. I often tell Sandra that "I love her more than anyone in this world". I believe it is important that spouses tell each other verbally how much they love each other. We should be confident in our mutual love, but it is so nice when our husband or our wife reinforces it verbally. Also, since I qualify this statement to Sandra by saying "in this world", it reinforces for both of us that she is my second love behind Christ. Nonetheless, a place of honor, and the proper place for a wife in the husband's heart. Having Christ in the proper place in our heart and marriage causes us to willingly apply Scripture ( the word of Christ ) to use in that relationship.

Our text starts with the wife's role of being "subject" to her husband. There is no other way to state this other than, in the same way that Christ has authority over the church, the husband has the authority over the wife. The husbands role of leader in the family is the same as Christ's role as leader in the church. Many women find this distasteful. Sometimes this is due to the woman having the wrong relationship to Christ, but often it is brought about by the husband not fulfilling his responsibility according to the Scripture. The husband's role is to love his wife in the same way that "Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Truly if a husband is loving in this way, it shouldn't be difficult to be subject to such a man. Often we fail to realize that a wife's willing subjection is dependent on her husband's likeness to Christ in his behavior toward her. Let's go with thought for a moment.

Jesus provided for the basic needs of His disciples. ( feeding the 5,000 for example ) However, I cannot recall any example of Him lavishing them with tremendous quantities of material goods. We've already spoken of how as husbands we often concentrate a great deal of effort on providing material things to the object of making our wives happy. Rather than providing material things, Jesus seems to spend much time ministering to the emotional and spiritual needs of His disciples.

Jesus, never struck his disciples. Remember, just as we must choose to be subject to Christ, wives must choose to be subject to their own husbands. A wife will never chose to be subject to an iron fist. A Christian husband should never strike his wife!! Yelling can be just as bad. Although, Jesus rebuked his disciples when it was deserved, none of those accounts has anything in them that would suggest that he ever raised his voice. In today's family, the husband is usually the largest member (at least until he has teen aged children). Husbands should remember that as the largest member of the family, that when he begins to show anger, and the muscles tense, and the voice begins to raise, and the face reddens, this can often be as frightening and as intimidating as actually striking a spouse. The Christian husband needs to take extra precaution to be even tempered.

Jesus never belittled his disciples. Again, even though Jesus rebuked his disciples, he never attacked them on a personal level. He never called them stupid. He never said that they weren't as pretty as they used to be, or called them fat, or attacked on personally in any other way. He simply corrected wrongdoing in love. A Christian husband never belittles his wife.

Jesus often sought quality time alone with His disciples. Often we find Him taking the disciples up on a mountain, or out in a boat to be alone with them. Jesus would make fruitful use of that time to instruct His disciples in prayer, or righteousness, or explain parables and the like. Husbands and wives, how much quality time do you spend together? Are you making fruitful use of that time? What do you do with your quality time? Do you pray, or do you watch TV? Do you share the truths of the Scripture, or surf the Internet? Unfortunately today, we often find one of us watching TV while the other surfs the Internet. I'm not speaking against recreation, but some of our quality time should be based on building up ourselves and our families spiritually. Sadly, in an age when there is less available quality time it is the spiritual time that is often the first to be sacrificed. And as mentioned before, the children suffer more than the husbands or the wives.

I think also of Christ, as he begins His ministry, He knows that He has about three years with these disciples. He also knew that He had about three years of His life in the flesh that would be recorded for us, His church. Each moment that He had with those disciples must have been so very precious to him. So much to teach, so much to share, and so little time in which to do it. If we as families could truly envision how short life is. Then we might truly value those few precious moments of quality time that we have. And make fruitful use of those moments as Christ did. Our families would be stronger for it. And so would the church.

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